cutting back

there are many things i could write to talk about my spending habits, about what they should and shouldn't be.  what i want to talk about in this post is small sacrifices that add up.  we live a pretty modest lifestyle.  we dont have a lot of debt, we dont make a lot of big purchases, we havent had cable for almost 6 years, etc. in fact most of money goes to general monthly expenses, giving, experiences (day at the pool, date night, museum, pedicure) and food purchases.  

that being said, we are about to have two children which is going to make a difference in the way we spend money.  for a while we will have two kids in diapers which can cost a lot but our biggest expense will be childcare. although i feel like we have found a great solution/bang for our buck, it will still be our largest monthly cost, period.  

below are some changes i have made this month that i think really add up.  there might be a few i cant pull off or choose not to follow through with permanently but i think its a good start (note: i am well aware that i should have started this months ago so cut me some slack).  

1. starbucks - or as dave ramsey likes to call it "five bucks."  in may and june, our account reflects 12 starbucks visits, each of them being $2 to $8.  what i cannot track is the 9 times we might have stopped at the gas station to purchase one of those $3 starbucks frappuccino drinks. also, i think that the starbucks in target show up on your account as a target purchase so its hard to track those as well.  so far, july shows one starbucks purchase which was a meeting with a possible nanny.  i feel like i may have saved well over $50 this month on coffee purchases. 
2. target - lets just keep it real here.  i can spend at least $75 every time i walk into target.  and of course i "need" it all.  one of the places i hate most in this world is walmart.  the main difference here is that i will do anything to get out of walmart as quickly as possible ... that includes sticking to my list.  on the other hand, target is this wonderful place that i just love to be.  i used to take henry there on the way home just because i "needed" milk or whatever.  of course, i would stop by the starbucks and get me an iced coffee to enjoy while leisurely pushing an entertained henry down every isle.  the conclusion of this story is $80 to $120, every time.  so far i have only been to target once this month.  the total was less than $50 and we purchased mostly target brand diapers (which are kind of awesome).  i do not plan on needing to return before the month is out.  i may have saved us up to one million dollars this month by staying as far away from target as possible.
3. groceries - this is by far the saddest cutback i have made.  ever since i
   
   made the switch over to healthier foods with cleaner ingredients we spend quite a bit more on groceries.  i strongly believe that this is an investment in our health and overall well being.  i also believe that it is possible to purchase healthier, cleaner foods without spending an arm and a leg but it will require planning and effort that i am lacking right now.  this month, i have been getting our groceries from walmart which ends up with much more processed foods and junk food than i would like.  also, i have to say their produce has been disappointing.  it either lacks flavor or doesnt seem to last quite as long as it should.  the good thing is that i know i can fix this by finding other places to get better quality food without having to go to whole foods (aka one of my favorite places ever besides target). but right now, i am lacking the energy to make several stops a week with a toddler, 8.5 months pregnant so walmart it is.  
4. beauty products/services - im thinking about growing my hair out.  its well past the time for a trim so i think ill save my money and wait out the ugly stage while on maternity leave.  i mean, if im going to grow it out, it may as well be while im taking prenatal vitamins, right.  this will not only save money on the cut every 6 weeks but i will also save money on products.  since getting my hair cut short, i have been using good shampoo, root lifter, and hairspray everyday.  this stuff adds up.  i am sure i could find cheaper versions of these products but to be honest i havent found that they give me the same results.  so, i have decided to go back to the no poo method.  i tried this in february of 2013 and i didnt hate it so im giving it another go.  mainly, i ran out of shampoo this past weekend and i didnt feel like forking over $8 for another bottle.  as my
   
   hair gets longer, i wont need to use other products either.  when its long, my hair looks the same with or without root lifter and hairspray.  its basically flat and boring but maybe i will be inspired and find some great ways to wear it.  if not, i know a great hairstyle so i will just chop it off again, no harm done.  something else i ran out of a couple of weeks ago was my face lotion.  its not super nice or anything but i didnt feel like spending $7 for a new bottle at target (see above) when i have a perfectly good jar of coconut oil.  that stuff is awesome and it is a great moistener for your face and neck ... well basically your whole body.  i have oily skin and yet it rubs in well and doesnt leave me too oily.  coconut oil has replaced a lot of my everyday beauty products.  at one point i started a post about it but then i realized every blogger in the world has done a post about coconut oil so i thought i would spare you.  the last thing that falls under this category is the fact that i have not gotten a pedicure in a while and i plan on doing my own as soon as i can reach my own feet easily.  pedicures are a luxury that i am willing to forgo for now.
5. general awareness - aka, common freaking sense.  our office complex has amazing food trucks that come to a parking lot nearby.  i used to watch the schedule like a hawk and plan my whole week around these $8 to $12 meals.  the worst part is that those meals are worth every penny and mamma loves to eat :)  for july, i have sworn off these purchases.  besides a milkshake or two (paid for with leftover birthday cash) i have not purchased anything to eat for lunch and actually ate what i packed.  i know peanut butter sandwiches and cheese nips are not the most delicious and nutritious lunches but i have easily saved $50.  another thing that seems like common sense but i dont always follow is to stay off sites like pinterest and etsy.  these sites tend to make me want stuff.  even DIY projects can add up.  basically, the goal is to be content in what i have for now and concentrate on things we really need to prepare for sister.  
6. communication - husband and i have always been pretty good at this.  i guess we tell each other about most purchases over $50 that isnt groceries or gas or surprises.  we communicate a lot about money but mostly i just let him pay all the bills and then he will let me know if i need to stop spending.  for the past couple of weeks we have been communicating a lot about spending and how to save and i check the account before my wonderful trips to walmart.  this helps with the "general awareness."
7. budgeting - we have kept track of our spending over the past few months and husband always tracks our main monthly expenses.  i guess our next big step is to create a good budget and stick with it.  i think it will help out a lot with planning and saving and just keeping things as stress free as possible. 

.... and we made it.  i was able to get through the month without a weekly starbucks purchase.  who would have known, right!  i think we might celebrate tonight with some chinese takeout :)

how do you cut back when you need to?  any small changes that make a big difference in your monthly budget?  

on being a girl

anyone that knows me well, knows i was never much of a girly girl.  my love for pedicures and my hate for spiders is about the extent of it.  i cannot relate to wanting to be a princess or dreaming of my wedding day ... as far as i can remember, i have always hated pink but loved climbing trees and making mud pies. 

when we found out henry was a boy i was relieved.  mostly i was relieved because it terrified me to have to teach a person, much less a girl, about how to deal with the world and now i get to do just that.  i get to talk with "sister" about what people will expect of her and what she should expect of herself.  i get to explain how to not care what others think while at the same time, taking pride in yourself ...oh, but dont be vain.  these things can be very difficult to navigate for anyone, especially a young girl.

im sure you have all seen the always commercial about "like a girl" being used a an insult.  i think its great that the media is grabbing onto these ideas and making people aware even though im not sure it can ever undo what the rest of the media puts out there.  that will have to be done at home.  i hope i remember how important it is to have these conversations when my children get old enough.  i want to explain to henry that he doesnt always have to suck it up and "be a man" and i want sister to know that "like a girl" is not an insult.  

3 months, continued

updates:

• 11.8 lbs
• squeals, gurgles and coos (see below)
• recognizes and responds to our voices 
• blowing some bubbles and drooling a lot
• holds up his weight on his legs
• neck is getting stronger and is able to hold his head steady most of the time
• bats and kicks at toys
• flaps arms and legs like he is trying to fly away :)
• currently, he is getting over a cold so he is sleeping a lot in the swing and car seat
• is not a fan of "the bulb" aka, booger-sucker-outer

3 months

today marks three months of motherhood for me ... 

three months since i met our "mister" for the first time ...

... my heart is full

{see month one here and month two here}

*photo by simply photography

my little zombie

husband and i are big fans of the walking dead.  during the early weeks of life with henry, we were catching up on the latest season.  i was learning the joys of breastfeeding at the same time and decided that hungry henry resembles a zombie attacking.  husband would have to hold his wildly flapping hands away from my very raw and very tender nipple while he would stick his neck out to basically try and bite off my boob.  this is how he got the, now seldom used, nickname "my little zombie."

i promised in henry's first month post that i would share with you my nursing experience.  i wanted to wait until we had really gotten the hang of it before posting, but i now realize that could be months.  so i decided i will just share with you how its going so far.

first of all, if anyone has ever told you "breastfeeding is so easy" or "you are just going to love every minute of it" ... basically they are lying and will most likely judge you if you mention that is not easy and you dont love every second of it.  i agree that for 5% of the moms out there that this MIGHT be true but i have heard quite the opposite from most moms i have talked to.   

while we were still in the hospital, the lactation consultants that stopped by our room all seemed to be pleased with how henry and i were doing.  they mentioned that he had a smaller mouth and that it would get a lot easier when he got a little older.  the first week home i was on some pretty good pain meds because the c-section and i was still hurting badly.  those first few weeks are spent learning and toughening myself up, mind, body and soul.  after a lot of tears, by the third or forth week, henry and i started getting the hang of it. 

we waited almost two weeks before introducing a bottle/paci.  i was very appreciative for the breaks and it gave me time to heal.  after that, henry was given one bottle a day which gave husband some bonding time.  now that i am working, henry gets two bottles a day and i feed him the rest of the time.  it seems even less like a chore now because it hurts less and its time that i get to stop and just be with him.  even if i am running late in the morning and rushing everything else, when it comes time for him to eat, i have to stop and sit and spend time with him.  

so in conclusion, here are my thoughts so far on breastfeeding henry: 

• at first, it hurt like hell.
• then it did get easier.
• it started hurting like hell all over again and then it got easier again.
• i am glad i stuck it out even when i wanted to give up.
• the fact that breast milk is free and that nursing was helping me loose the weight i gained are two things that helped me stick it out when it got hard. 
• even after 10 weeks, im not confident enough to nurse in public.  i have done it and i will do it, i just prefer to nurse in the privacy of my home or car.  i think this will change once henry has more head control.
• pumping at work can be a pain in the neck. 
• finding* clothing that is breastfeeding friendly can be difficult.  
• finding* work clothes that is pumping friendly is even more difficult (because it has to be able to expose both sides instead of just one at a time).
• i love that nursing makes me slow down.  at least three times a day i have to stop everything i am doing for 20 minutes or so, and focus 100% on the needs of my son.
• henry giggles a lot after nursing ... this is my favorite part :)

my goal is to try and nurse for a year.  i am aware that this may or may not happen.  i hear teething is a whole different ballgame.  another goal is to not beat myself up or allow anyone to make me feel inadequate if i dont make it the full year.  nursing is not for everyone and i get so sad when i hear women giving each other a hard time for not breast feeding.  sometimes it is a choice and sometimes its not.  the best thing to do is be supportive of each other and offer encouragement.  

feel free to comment or leave a question below ... 

*when i say "finding" i mean finding  them in my existing wardrobe mostly.  i am sure finding a bunch of new items wouldnt be as difficult but i do not have the desire or the funds to do that.  

two months

10 lbs 12 oz

22.4 inches long

having this little guy in our lives has been such a blessing.  he is healthy and sweet and full of giggles.  when he smiles at me it is the biggest self esteem boost ever.  for the past week he has been sleeping through the night which is awesome.  last weekend, we made the transition from the bassinet to the pack n play.  mainly because i feel like we were overusing the vibrating feature to sooth him.  now he is a few feet away instead within arms reach and he is learning to fall asleep on his own without the vibrations.  next step is sleeping in his own room in the crib.

flapping his arms and legs at his two month wellness visit.

and just in case you dont follow me on instagram (@mebenfield) here are a few other photos from this past month:

guest post - top ten list

while im kickin' it west coast style, i asked shannon from sitting in a tree to give me a little motherly advice.  thanks shannon for entertaining in my absence!

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While Elizabeth is off baby-mooning, she asked me to stop by and give you something to read.  My name is Shannon (from Sitting in a tree.), I'm 32 years old, and I'm a mom to an eight month old little girl named Taylor.  She's kinda cute, no?

Note: She doesn't always look like she's dress to be on the set of Little House on the Prairie. :)

Since Elizabeth will be taking pictures of her bundle of joy in silly outfits before we know it, I decided to do a "Top 10" list of things I couldn't do without during Taylor's first three months.  Of course, every baby is different, so this is just from my experience.  But if Elizabeth (or any of you for that matter) take away a piece of helpful advice, well then my work is down.  Actually, I work 40 hours a week, so my work is never done, but hey - you get the picture, right?  So here we go!

In no particular order:

10) A white noise machine -  this is something we still use eight months later.  A good white noise machine can turn a fussy baby into a very happy, sleeping baby.  We play white noise during all naps and every night in her crib.  This Conair machine was reasonably priced for under $15 on Amazon.

9) Halo sleep swaddle - Taylor loved the swaddle.  We tried doing our own swaddles with receiving blankets, but she'd inevitably break out of them.  She couldn't escape the Halo sleep swaddle.  It was easy to use and effective.  Win win!

8) Little Tummies Gripe Water - Sometimes my little girl got fussy and gassy.  I'd give her a small dose of gripe water and BOOM - she'd be a happy little peanut again in no time.  It's all natural.  And I'm pretty sure it's magic because it works so dang well!

7) Nipple shields - I breastfed Taylor until I became an exclusive pumper at around six months.  While breastfeeding, we had our fair share of latch problems which caused some very ouchy nipples.  To save myself from the pain, we used nipple shields.  I was able to continue breastfeeding and my nipples remained intact.

6) Boppy - In addition to helping us stay comfortable during nursing sessions, we found that we used the boppy a lot when Taylor couldn't sit up.  She'd even nap in her boppy from time to time.  And once she started sitting up, we'd put the boppy behind her in case she toppled over.  There are many uses for this crazy pillow.

5) Fisher Price Kick and Play Piano -  When your baby is a baby, they don't really play with toys.  But this was the first toy Taylor showed interest in.  She'd kick her little legs against the piano.  She'd flail her arms up at the toys on the rings and she'd stare at herself in the little mirror above her.  Taylor would easily spend twenty minutes on the floor playing with this thing.  Twenty minutes equates to about two hours in newborn time.  This toy is AMAZEBALLS.

4) Ergo - When Taylor was a newborn, she was too small for the jogging stroller we bought, so we normally would wear her when we went out.  We bought the Ergo because it claimed to be the best for the babies hips and the most comfortable to the mommy or daddy.  We loved it.  We even took Taylor to a pumpkin patch when she was just two weeks old.  She slept the entire time in the Ergo.  Good girl.

3) Pacifier - Not all parents are pro-pacifiers, but we found out from day one that Taylor needed to suck to soothe, and instead of becoming a human pacifier, we introduced real pacifiers.  She took to the Avent pacifiers the best.  She still uses them for naps and night time, but that's really about it.  But we would have been lost without them during the first few months.

2) Sleepers (jammies) - As much as you'll want to dress your baby in the frilliest tutu or the cutest newsboy outfit, at the end of the day, you'll need as many sleepers and comfy clothes as you can possibly get.  That little one will have blowouts and spit-ups constantly, and sleepers are by far the easiest clothes to get your babies in and out of.  Plus, they're pretty dang cute too!

1) Baby ESP app (for iphone or android) - Now, I'm an accounting nerd and love to track everything, so this may not be up your alley, but the Baby ESP app is awesome.  It lets you track everything, from last diaper change, nursing session and bath, to how many hours a day your baby eats or sleeps.  You can keep height/weight data on the growth curve as well as average diaper changes a day.  This app has it all.   I used it for everything for the first three months before going back to work.  Did you know Taylor pooped on average 4.7 times a day for the first three months?  That's a lot of poo!

So there's that.  A list of ten things you may find helpful when working with an adorable newborn.  Thank you, Elizabeth, for letting me stop by!  And if you just happen to be a follower of my blog too, are you proud of me for incorporate poop into this post.  I know, right?