dear henry,

the other day you were having some great independent play time.  as much as i wanted to climb inside your play area to role the ball and stack blocks with you, i decided to hang back.  watching you explore  is one of my favorite pastimes. you were so funny talking and seeing what toys fit where. sometimes you make up a little song when you talk to or about your hands, food or toys. 

i dream and worry a little about how you will turn out.  this is that time when almost every parent looks at their baby and sees the potential of what things could be.  they stress about if their child is learning well and how to encourage their children to explore while keeping them out of the emergency room. i am trying not to be one of those stressed out moms.  its hard because you have no fear.  you climb the stairs as fast as you can, only looking back to see if i am following you.  you climb up and down grunting the whole time as if you are exerting all the energy you have … yet you still have plenty.  you, my dear, are a bottomless pit of energy. 

henry, “they” were right.  you are growing right before my very eyes.  my mom used to say that she wanted to tie a brick to our heads so we wouldn't grow anymore and now i understand what she meant.  it seems like yesterday that you started crawling and now you walk almost everywhere you go.  when you do crawl, you do this thing with your arms and shoulders that make me laugh out loud. 

you have been throwing a few tantrums lately trying to deal with all the big emotions in such a little body.  you don't quite understand why we tell you "no."  you have been doing the "gimme" hands which looks a lot like when you wave "bye bye."  most of the time it means "pick me up please" or "more cheerios" but sometimes we cannot figure it out and you get a little mad.  after a few tries of giving you the wrong thing, i can see it in your eyes ... you are wondering why the devil we cant understand you and get it right.  sometimes you refuse to eat off a spoon because you are dying to be independent and feed yourself.  usually your meltdowns last less than a minute and then you’re off again with the walking and singing.    

i would love to say that you are a momma’s boy but i don’t thinks that’s the case.  you love your daddy so much and it shows when you look at him.  you smacked him in the face a few times this week because he wasn’t looking when you discovered something neat.   his approval and attention means a lot to you.  you giggle when he puts silly things on his head and then you try and do the same. your favorite is when he flies you around the house like superman.  

henry, your daddy and i love you very much.  i am looking forward to our life with you.  we are so blessed!

love, 
momma

vote for henry!

i took this picture of henry on fathers day.  we quietly tiptoed out of our room at my aunts house so we didnt wake up husband.  henry was in the.best.mood. and this is the second shot i took.  he just melts my heart and sometimes its hard to believe he is ours to take care of.  

after an overwhelming response from our friends and family on facebook, i decided to enter this photo in the parents magazine cover contest.  click on the link below to vote for our little guy.  you can vote once a day until the 30th.  

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!

here are a few other shots from that morning

family photos

i was gifted a photo shoot with simply photography at one of my baby showers and i finally cashed it in!  cynthia always does such an amazing job, so i was super stoked to get these pictures back and share them with you.  

thank you cynthia!  

v-day

happy valentines day 

to the loves of my life

... love you to pieces!

3 months, continued

updates:

• 11.8 lbs
• squeals, gurgles and coos (see below)
• recognizes and responds to our voices 
• blowing some bubbles and drooling a lot
• holds up his weight on his legs
• neck is getting stronger and is able to hold his head steady most of the time
• bats and kicks at toys
• flaps arms and legs like he is trying to fly away :)
• currently, he is getting over a cold so he is sleeping a lot in the swing and car seat
• is not a fan of "the bulb" aka, booger-sucker-outer

3 months

today marks three months of motherhood for me ... 

three months since i met our "mister" for the first time ...

... my heart is full

{see month one here and month two here}

*photo by simply photography

my little zombie

husband and i are big fans of the walking dead.  during the early weeks of life with henry, we were catching up on the latest season.  i was learning the joys of breastfeeding at the same time and decided that hungry henry resembles a zombie attacking.  husband would have to hold his wildly flapping hands away from my very raw and very tender nipple while he would stick his neck out to basically try and bite off my boob.  this is how he got the, now seldom used, nickname "my little zombie."

i promised in henry's first month post that i would share with you my nursing experience.  i wanted to wait until we had really gotten the hang of it before posting, but i now realize that could be months.  so i decided i will just share with you how its going so far.

first of all, if anyone has ever told you "breastfeeding is so easy" or "you are just going to love every minute of it" ... basically they are lying and will most likely judge you if you mention that is not easy and you dont love every second of it.  i agree that for 5% of the moms out there that this MIGHT be true but i have heard quite the opposite from most moms i have talked to.   

while we were still in the hospital, the lactation consultants that stopped by our room all seemed to be pleased with how henry and i were doing.  they mentioned that he had a smaller mouth and that it would get a lot easier when he got a little older.  the first week home i was on some pretty good pain meds because the c-section and i was still hurting badly.  those first few weeks are spent learning and toughening myself up, mind, body and soul.  after a lot of tears, by the third or forth week, henry and i started getting the hang of it. 

we waited almost two weeks before introducing a bottle/paci.  i was very appreciative for the breaks and it gave me time to heal.  after that, henry was given one bottle a day which gave husband some bonding time.  now that i am working, henry gets two bottles a day and i feed him the rest of the time.  it seems even less like a chore now because it hurts less and its time that i get to stop and just be with him.  even if i am running late in the morning and rushing everything else, when it comes time for him to eat, i have to stop and sit and spend time with him.  

so in conclusion, here are my thoughts so far on breastfeeding henry: 

• at first, it hurt like hell.
• then it did get easier.
• it started hurting like hell all over again and then it got easier again.
• i am glad i stuck it out even when i wanted to give up.
• the fact that breast milk is free and that nursing was helping me loose the weight i gained are two things that helped me stick it out when it got hard. 
• even after 10 weeks, im not confident enough to nurse in public.  i have done it and i will do it, i just prefer to nurse in the privacy of my home or car.  i think this will change once henry has more head control.
• pumping at work can be a pain in the neck. 
• finding* clothing that is breastfeeding friendly can be difficult.  
• finding* work clothes that is pumping friendly is even more difficult (because it has to be able to expose both sides instead of just one at a time).
• i love that nursing makes me slow down.  at least three times a day i have to stop everything i am doing for 20 minutes or so, and focus 100% on the needs of my son.
• henry giggles a lot after nursing ... this is my favorite part :)

my goal is to try and nurse for a year.  i am aware that this may or may not happen.  i hear teething is a whole different ballgame.  another goal is to not beat myself up or allow anyone to make me feel inadequate if i dont make it the full year.  nursing is not for everyone and i get so sad when i hear women giving each other a hard time for not breast feeding.  sometimes it is a choice and sometimes its not.  the best thing to do is be supportive of each other and offer encouragement.  

feel free to comment or leave a question below ... 

*when i say "finding" i mean finding  them in my existing wardrobe mostly.  i am sure finding a bunch of new items wouldnt be as difficult but i do not have the desire or the funds to do that.  

my favorites!

can't get enough of these two.

two months

10 lbs 12 oz

22.4 inches long

having this little guy in our lives has been such a blessing.  he is healthy and sweet and full of giggles.  when he smiles at me it is the biggest self esteem boost ever.  for the past week he has been sleeping through the night which is awesome.  last weekend, we made the transition from the bassinet to the pack n play.  mainly because i feel like we were overusing the vibrating feature to sooth him.  now he is a few feet away instead within arms reach and he is learning to fall asleep on his own without the vibrations.  next step is sleeping in his own room in the crib.

flapping his arms and legs at his two month wellness visit.

and just in case you dont follow me on instagram (@mebenfield) here are a few other photos from this past month:

friday favorite

today i am linking up with rachel from finding joy to share something from this week that i am grateful for. 

my favorite things from this week are smart phones and facetime!!!  henry spends the morning with a friend of ours and the afternoon with husband.  since my first day back i have received many pictures to get me through the day but on thursday, husband called so i could facetime with my little guy.  the best part was that he responded with lots of arm flapping and giggles ... the kind that melt your heart and get you through the week.  

i plan on spending a lot of cuddle time with this cutie this weekend.  

what about you ... any favorite things from this week? 

 head on over to finding joy to link up or just leave a comment below.

first day back

ready to have a great day!

today was my first day back at work and henry's first time staying with someone other than me or husband.  since it was my first day i got a lot of "did you cry?" or "wasnt it so hard leaving him?" etc.  the answer, of course, is yes.  it was extremely difficult to not be with him all day long ... i missed him terribly but i am proud to say i didnt cry.  i was able to have peace throughout the day.  all i could think about when i was driving away is how very blessed i am.  i know that i left him in a stable, friendly and Godly environment.  i know that he will be kissed and hugged and when needed, disciplined.  i also know that our friend's little girl will be a good friend to him and that he is so lucky to be able to spend the afternoons with his dad.  i also realize that i am so blessed to have a good job to go back to with great benefits.  

i kept all these blessed thoughts in my head and i was able to have a really good and productive day.  im thinking thats a pretty great start to the year, no?  i plan on staying positive and working hard to help the days go by quickly and then focus on my family when i am home.  

yay for the new year and all its possibilities!!!!

photo sent via text from husband: "nap time"

one month ago

on the morning of november 4th, i woke up having what i thought were contractions.  i quietly and quickly downloaded an app that would help me time them and track their consistency.  after an hour of 1 minute contractions about 8 minutes apart, i woke husband up and we decided to call the doctor.  if henry had not been breech, i would have labored at home for a while, but seeing how i could see the top of his head sticking out from under my ribs and i had not eaten or drank anything yet we went in around 8 am to prepare for a c-section.  

we were absolutely giddy with excitement.

in only a few short hours we were in the operating room and they brought in husband to sit with me.  i remember it all happening very fast but not in a frighting way at all.  

before we knew it, henry allen was here.  

i cannot believe that a month has already gone by.  

2 weeks old

3 weeks old

happy one month henry!

coming soon:

• one month stats (after our dr. appointment on friday)
• thoughts on my c-section
• how breast feeding is going for henry and i
• nursery reveal
• my favorite and most used things from the first few weeks