my little zombie

husband and i are big fans of the walking dead.  during the early weeks of life with henry, we were catching up on the latest season.  i was learning the joys of breastfeeding at the same time and decided that hungry henry resembles a zombie attacking.  husband would have to hold his wildly flapping hands away from my very raw and very tender nipple while he would stick his neck out to basically try and bite off my boob.  this is how he got the, now seldom used, nickname "my little zombie."

i promised in henry's first month post that i would share with you my nursing experience.  i wanted to wait until we had really gotten the hang of it before posting, but i now realize that could be months.  so i decided i will just share with you how its going so far.

first of all, if anyone has ever told you "breastfeeding is so easy" or "you are just going to love every minute of it" ... basically they are lying and will most likely judge you if you mention that is not easy and you dont love every second of it.  i agree that for 5% of the moms out there that this MIGHT be true but i have heard quite the opposite from most moms i have talked to.   

while we were still in the hospital, the lactation consultants that stopped by our room all seemed to be pleased with how henry and i were doing.  they mentioned that he had a smaller mouth and that it would get a lot easier when he got a little older.  the first week home i was on some pretty good pain meds because the c-section and i was still hurting badly.  those first few weeks are spent learning and toughening myself up, mind, body and soul.  after a lot of tears, by the third or forth week, henry and i started getting the hang of it. 

we waited almost two weeks before introducing a bottle/paci.  i was very appreciative for the breaks and it gave me time to heal.  after that, henry was given one bottle a day which gave husband some bonding time.  now that i am working, henry gets two bottles a day and i feed him the rest of the time.  it seems even less like a chore now because it hurts less and its time that i get to stop and just be with him.  even if i am running late in the morning and rushing everything else, when it comes time for him to eat, i have to stop and sit and spend time with him.  

so in conclusion, here are my thoughts so far on breastfeeding henry: 

• at first, it hurt like hell.
• then it did get easier.
• it started hurting like hell all over again and then it got easier again.
• i am glad i stuck it out even when i wanted to give up.
• the fact that breast milk is free and that nursing was helping me loose the weight i gained are two things that helped me stick it out when it got hard. 
• even after 10 weeks, im not confident enough to nurse in public.  i have done it and i will do it, i just prefer to nurse in the privacy of my home or car.  i think this will change once henry has more head control.
• pumping at work can be a pain in the neck. 
• finding* clothing that is breastfeeding friendly can be difficult.  
• finding* work clothes that is pumping friendly is even more difficult (because it has to be able to expose both sides instead of just one at a time).
• i love that nursing makes me slow down.  at least three times a day i have to stop everything i am doing for 20 minutes or so, and focus 100% on the needs of my son.
• henry giggles a lot after nursing ... this is my favorite part :)

my goal is to try and nurse for a year.  i am aware that this may or may not happen.  i hear teething is a whole different ballgame.  another goal is to not beat myself up or allow anyone to make me feel inadequate if i dont make it the full year.  nursing is not for everyone and i get so sad when i hear women giving each other a hard time for not breast feeding.  sometimes it is a choice and sometimes its not.  the best thing to do is be supportive of each other and offer encouragement.  

feel free to comment or leave a question below ... 

*when i say "finding" i mean finding  them in my existing wardrobe mostly.  i am sure finding a bunch of new items wouldnt be as difficult but i do not have the desire or the funds to do that.